vrijdag 14 april 2017

for a long time i lived looking only at the future, making choices based on what the outcome would be in the long run. i used to write a lot. composing lists of goals, plans, things i wanted to learn, people i wanted to be.

poems were quests.

my life has always been taking a step back, observing, taking it all in and then try and make sense of it. arming myself with as much as i could for when i should need it. always preparing, hoping, dreaming for something intangible.

but future came earlier than i thought. it took me by surprise and startled me, shaking up routines and certainties.

the thing about growing up is that you don't expect it to end. and in a way, of course, it doesn't. but the world doesn't stop turning just because you don't think you're there yet. where is there?

i have tried writing about this so many times, but each time it doesn't feel right.

i have lost my words
but i've found myself.

i think that's it.

one search stops, another begins